Li'l Dis, Li'l Dat
The Mouse that Snored
One of the recent issues receiving attention here in
Ireland has been the attempt to pass a bill allowing for the termination of a
pregnancy when the fetus has been diagnosed by multiple doctors with an
abnormality that will leave the child unable to survive full term or
for any appreciable period following birth. When this happens it is a truly tragic situation and I would
tend to feel that there has to be a mechanism to prevent a mother from being
forced to go through the trauma of carrying a child full term when she knows it
is already brain dead or that it will die in her arms minutes after birth. I can’t imagine how terrible it must be to
have to face that sort of dilemma, to have all the symptoms of a pregnancy knowing you will never have a child to hold. To have to watch your partner go through the pains (and dangers) of childbirth. To have people on the street approach you, with all good intentions, and wish you luck with the new baby. Remember
– these aren’t parents “opting” for abortion – they very much wanted a
child. Fate has robbed them of that
possibility – but it isn’t fate that robs them of the ability to choose how to
deal with their tragedy – it is the law that does that. I feel that law should be changed. However, I imagine there are those who might
make a cogent argument for another position.
What I don’t understand, and know isn’t right, is what transpired in
Ireland this past couple of weeks.
You see, instead of debating the proposed bill openly the
government here insisted that the matter “was not appropriate” for
discussion. The current coalition group
that governs the country would rather not deal with something so “controversial”
ahead of next year’s election. So,
instead of taking a position one way or the other the leaders of the ruling
parties opted to kick the can down the road.
Meanwhile parents facing this very real situation get told, yet again,
to wait.
Initially the primary justification for this was that the
law would be deemed “unconstitutional”.
When it was very reasonably (and correctly) pointed out that this was a
matter that should be tested in the courts and that this conclusion was by no
means certain the government tried another justification for their
cowardice. Taioseach Enda Kenny said
that he would not allow his fellow party members a free vote on the issue
because, well, it was all well and good to start out talking about fatal fetal
conditions, but that always led to discussions about rape or incest, which
always led to talk about non-fatal fetal abnormalities, which, gosh darn it, will lead to
talking about “abortion on demand”. Not
passing laws about any of these things mind you – just “talking” about them. Now, let's get real for a second - the true reason the bill wasn't given a fair hearing was to make
sure that Kenny and his party didn’t have to endanger their re-election
prospects by, God forbid, actually having to tell people how they felt on an
issue.
This all reminds me of a book I used to read my kids – “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie”. In Laura Numeroff’s classic you have to be
careful about giving a mouse a cookie, because then he’ll want a glass of milk,
and then a straw, then a mirror – and so on.
It dawned on me that this must be the source from which Enda Kenny
derives his theory of governance. We are
now ruled by those who would not allow a debate to take place because of the
debate it might cause to take place. One
can only imagine Gandhi trying to inspire his people in this way – “I’d love to
talk about independence but – if you do that you have to talk about protests,
and if you talk protests you have to talk marches and if you talk marches you
have to talk about shoes – and no one wants to talk about shoes…”
In truth – leadership is really about being able to focus debate
on the true issues. If parents are
hurting because of the tragic death of their child – and there might be a
better way to deal with that tragedy – a real leader would find a way to keep
things on target. The great opportunity
of politics is that it gives the people who are elected the chance to use what
they are good at to get something done. The great tragedy of politics is that
what those people are good at is – more often than not - getting
re-elected. Enda Kenny may have just made
it easier to have himself re-elected.
Good for him. Meanwhile,
somewhere, a mother tearfully watches her doomed newborn die a horrible death.
Of Sharecroppers,
Sportswriters and Teddy Roosevelt
You best not bunt towards this man.
Now let’s go on to a recommendation. An article on the death
of the great college basketball coach Dean Smith struck me as one of the better
pieces of sportswriting I’d seen recently.
The link to it can be found here: http://grantland.com/the-triangle/dean-smith-1931-2015-obituary-north-carolina/
and while the content of the article surprised me (I knew Smith had been a
great coach but never realized he’d been so influential when it came to
integration) the source of the article did not.
Charles P. “Charlie” Pierce has been writing about sports for well over
30 years now. He’s never been that much
of a “mainstream” writer – his pieces appeared in the now defunct Boston Phoenix for years, he was one of
the writers on the legendary (and also defunct) National Sports Daily, he now writes largely for the on-line ESPN
owned Grantland website and he appears
regularly on NPR’s “Only a Game”
broadcast. It is this latter gig that
leads me to have to give a small disclaimer.
Only a Game is hosted by Bill
Littlefield and Littlefield was one of the guys I played against in a
Cambridge, Mass. fast pitch softball league back in the ‘90’s. My team, the Sharecroppers, had some decent
tussles with Littlefield’s Mets. The
Croppers had a great pitcher, a bunch of guys like me, and one huge deterrent. In fast pitch softball the bunt can be a real
weapon. To guard against the prospect of
being bunted to death the third baseman has to play really close to the plate –
which takes away the bunt but also leaves the third sacker susceptible to a
line drive to the teeth. The really
gutsy third basemen didn’t care. They’d
get right up in the face of the batter – and, since we had an outstanding
pitcher, having such a gutsy third baseman could really take away one of the
offenses' only real chances to get guys on base.
We were lucky in that we had such a guy at third. We were also lucky in that he had one of the
most remarkably distracting resemblances to a famous person I’ve ever seen. Our third baseman was called “Teddy”. I think it was his real name, but I’m not
entirely sure. You see – he was an
absolute dead ringer for Teddy Roosevelt.
Same mustache, build, glasses, hair, teeth –everything. He actually did shows as a Roosevelt
imitator. I mean - can you imagine? You're a batter, trying to lay down a bunt against a blazing fastball and
you sneak a quick peek down the third base line only to see the 26th President
of the United States creeping towards you on the infield grass.
Anyway – Littlefield was on one of our rival teams and I
always liked his show – Pierce just adds to it with his refreshing takes on
things like PEDs (why all the hand-wringing?), money in sports and the role of
the media (why all the hand-wringing ?).
The other thing I like about Pierce is that he writes about much more
than sports. He is now Esquire’s lead
political blogger and wrote an incredibly moving book about his family’s
struggles with his father’s Alzheimer's diagnosis. Go look up his archive or track down some of
his books for a guaranteed good, funny, thought provoking read.
40 Shades of Green
Meets 50 Shades of Grey
No description needed
I loved the recent reaction of an Irish fellow from Mayo when asked to give his opinion of the “50 Shades of Grey” literary phenomenon on the Graham Norton show. He responded with an honest and, probably, (I haven’t read them myself) proper critique of the series in two illuminating words.
I loved the recent reaction of an Irish fellow from Mayo when asked to give his opinion of the “50 Shades of Grey” literary phenomenon on the Graham Norton show. He responded with an honest and, probably, (I haven’t read them myself) proper critique of the series in two illuminating words.
“They’re shite”.
Mommyporn doesn’t play well in Mayo I guess. But the thing that I found most interesting
about the whole “50 Shades” hoo-hah
was how tame the movie seems to be. Time
after time the reviews I see discuss how the director clearly wanted to get the
milder “R” rating and so blunted what, it seems to me, must have been the book's
main attraction – namely how graphic it was.
What is supposed to be a film telling a lurid tale of depravity sounds more like the type of jockeying for attention that went on during your school days. This tendency to strive for less skin is exactly the opposite of the way movies were going when I was a
kid, which puts me in the distinctly awkward position of having to say
something like “things was a lot less strict when I was your age, bucko” to my
children. Nonetheless – I have to tell
you, things certainly seemed that way (bucko).
When I was in my late teens to early twenties movies really started to
pile on the gratuitous nudity. A movie
like Porky’s (and its numerous enumerated sequels) existed primarily for
gratuitous nudity. An entire scene in Animal House where John Belushi climbs a
ladder to peer in to a sorority house was probably included to get the higher
“R” rating that would result. Ratings
were largely viewed as a joke back then – and you’d want the “R” to tip off the
lads that there were nipples to be seen.
Of course, not all nudity was gratuitous, but it certainly could leave
an impression. Want to know why men of a
certain age consider Lady Grantham in Downton
Abbey to be a hottie? Watch the
movie “Ragtime”. Plus, there were certain scenes back then
that absolutely transcended the film, even a good film. The Phoebe Cates pool scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High remains a
touchstone for men of my generation.
Seriously – that scene remains the standard by which all "plot
irrelevant but experience vital" sequences are judged. It is not really necessary to the movie but
is incredibly hot. You could
solve an ancient riddle by buying a bucket of KFC and a dozen eggs and placing
them in front of a TV screen while that scene plays (the answer, by the way, is
“Judge Reinhold”).
I don’t even know if you could get a Phoebe Cates pool scene
into a film now without getting NC-17’d out of existence. That’s the conundrum – like the drinking age
across America – things were actually a lot more liberal back when I was a kid
than they are now. Back in the day Fast Times was a movie about high school
that ended up being a movie about wanton sex.
Nowadays 50 Shades purports to
be a movie about wanton sex that ends up feeling more like a movie about high
school. And time marches on.
An Irish Political Bestiary
Back in medieval times it was not uncommon for monks to turn their attention away from illuminating the Book of Kells to produce a "bestiary", a sort of zoological catalogue of animals that, often, were known to the scribe more from anecdote than from actual experience. Because of this reliance on third party description you'd have many a book that had a page setting out the characteristics of a squirrel next to the very vivid and detailed description of a unicorn. The unicorn could only be approached by a virgin. The squirrel liked acorns.
Anyway - the concept of the bestiary led me to contemplate what animals the various Irish political parties would resemble in their current state. Here is the best I could come up with.
Fianna Fail - There is a scene in Jaws where Richard Dreyfus' character says something like "sharks only care about two things, eating and making little sharks". Fianna Fail seems the same way to me. They only care about two things - getting votes and being in government. There is something like the shark out of water about Fianna Fail out of government. The party does not strike me as the kind of beast that takes well to being out of power. The purpose of FF is to govern - there has never been much ideological impetus to the leadership. Bertie Ahern could, with a straight face, describe himself as one of the few socialists in the Dail while presiding over a stretch where more glorified elitists were created than ever in the Republic's history. Charlie Haughey could - well - be Charlie Haughey. Current leader Micheal Martin strikes no one as being in the vanguard of any movement but, rest assured, there will be many people out there voting Fianna Fail no matter what and if those votes can be manipulated into a seat in government don't you dare bet against seeing the sharks leap back into the ocean with our next predator beastie.
Sinn Fein - Sinn Fein reminds me of nothing so much as a polar bear. The polar bear, of course, is a critter known primarily for its activities in the north, but which, when it migrates further south, can cause all kinds of trouble. The polar bear also has the deceptive look of a cuddly stuffed animal but is actually one of the more vicious predators on the planet. Of course, anyone with half a brain ought to know this. It isn't really fair to blame the polar bear for their appearance - in truth they are quite honest about their nature and if you end up inside a polar bear you have only yourself, and not the bear, to blame.
Labour - Labour is the Siberian tiger of the Irish political world. A magnificient animal from a fine family the Siberian tiger is, for all its glory, nearly extinct. In point of fact most Siberian tigers exist today in zoos, which equates to being confined to mostly urban environments where curious people observe them from a safe distance. Yes, that is Labour.
Independents - Independents in Irish politics are far too varied to simply be categorized as a single animal. Rather they represent a class - specifically the class Insectivora. Insects, you see, are an extremely numerous and proficient group of animals that manifest themselves in many different forms. Beetles, bees, ants, flies, mantis' and moths - all insects but each very different from the other. Many also have certain "characteristics" which I think can be applied to the Irish category of "independents". For instance - lots of insects exist in three separate stages of life. There is the larval stage, which can be seen in varieties as different as the industrious caterpillar or the parasitic maggot. Then there is the pupal stage, where the insect lies largely dormant in a cocoon shielded from the world. Finally there is the adult stage, which can take the form of the pesky mosquitoe or the beautiful butterfly. Yes, independents can be all of these things but they are somewhat ephemeral and short lived without any internal skeleton to support them. You can vote for an independent today but they may not be around tomorrow.
The Greens - The Greens resemble nothing so much as the sasquatch, a beast rumored to spend much of its time lurking unseen in the deep woods. In truth the sasquatch, as well as the Greens, are best considered at this point to be largely mythological.
Fine Gael - Oh where to classify the largest party in our bestiary? Fine Gael seems to be an animal that is very numerous but not to be found at the top of the food chain. Perhaps they are like a fur seal - a mammal that has to spend much of its time watching out for the sharks and polar bears of the world. The fur seal can give you a warm fuzzy feeling, but you have to smash it over the head with a club in order to get to that point. You want to protect the fur seal - but they just aren't very good at protecting themselves. Also - there are lots of fur seals out there - you can walk onto a given island and see thousands - but if they don't watch out, between sharks and polar bears and cold people holding clubs - they can soon face some severely reduced numbers.
