Only 30 - And Already the Whole World Hates Him...

The latest poster boy for idiocy has landed, his entry for “Meme of the Year” has been received and it appears that he has a better chance of winning that award than Leonardo DiCaprio has of bagging that elusive first Oscar.  I’m speaking, of course, of “Pharma Bro” himself, the ludicrous Martin Shkreli.   Shkreli recently appeared before a congressional committee where he repeatedly “Plead the Fifth” by asserting his right not to answer any questions.  Unfortunately Shkreli forgot to assert his right not to appear to be a complete dickhead, as he went through an assortment of sighs, eyerolls, smirks and giggles - all while not responding to interrogation.

Shkreli is being grilled about the practice he has adopted of buying up the patent rights for certain drugs and then jacking the price up in order to bleed profits out of the people who must have the drug in order to survive.  For these people Shkreli is like a ticket scalper selling entry to a stadium that contains all of the breathable air on Earth – you can pay, or you can die a slow, choking, painful death. 

Most people pay – but they don’t have to be happy about it.

I agree that Shkreli is a contemptible, debased, horrible person.  I appreciate the sentiments expressed by people who wish him to rot in hell, choke on the money he worships or, (my personal favourite) the one who wishes for a 3-D printer to be developed that will allow him to reach through his computer screen and punch the smile off Shkreli’s smug face.  I would donate money to develop such a printer and I would be near the head of the line to test it out.  (I might add as an aside – if it worked I’d nominate a certain New York landlord for the second round of testing).

But I’m also a realist – and I have to recognise that while Shkreli is an insufferable horse’s ass, and while he might well be criminal due to his hedge fund activities before becoming the poster boy from hell for Big Pharma – it is likely that his price gouging activities are, while totally immoral, not illegal. 

Think about that for a second.  It seems it is completely legal for a company to use a government granted monopoly (which is what a patent is) as a means to force the price of a drug up from $13.50 to $750 per pill, a 5500% increase. 

If that is true (and it very likely is) then some of the testing of that knockout 3-D printer has to be reserved for America’s lawmakers.  To illustrate why I think this is so – consider this scenario.

The other day I was going through Facebook and saw the following video posted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5J2gHXYMpq8

First of all – this is amazing footage.  I could watch that robot cut trees all day long.  I mean – what the hell is that thing?  I strongly suspect that those are the robots that end up taking over the world in the “Terminator” films.

Now, let’s say there was a country – I don’t know – we’ll call it, um – “Ireland”.  In “Ireland”, for the sake of argument, let us assume that there were no laws governing a person’s ability to cut down trees.  No matter what land they were on, or what kind of tree they were – or what importance they might have – tree cutting was fully legal.  Let us say then that I gained control of the only tree-eating robot in “Ireland” – and immediately set about cutting every god-damned tree I could find.

Remember – there are no laws stopping me from cutting as many trees as I want in Ireland.  I can go on to your land – cut your trees – and there’s nothing to stop me.  With my magic freaking robot I can clear cut your hillside in about fifteen minutes (give or take) – and I will do it. 

After I finish with you I can go cut down every tree in a watershed – leading to massive floods in the region.  Like a certain smug little pharma CEO I can paddle by the flooded out cottages with a wise assed smirk on my face, waving to the now homeless citizens who struggle through their water-logged fields. "Hello little swamp rats" I'd say, "want to buy some wellies? Only €3,000.00 a pair"...

But I’m not done – I keep cutting – there’s nothing to say I can’t.  I now target historic trees – let’s say in “Ireland” I know where the oldest tree in the country is (let’s call it the “Silken Thomas Yew Tree” – mainly because the Silken Thomas Yew Tree is, in truth, the oldest tree in Ireland). I can cut that sucker down, carve little wooden shamrocks out of what is left, and sell those things to gullible tourists for €45.00 a whack.  By the time I’m done there won’t be a tree left in “Ireland”.  But don't worry - I'll funnel a portion of my profits into R&D exploring how I can re-forest Ireland - so I can cut those trees down too.

This would never happen you say.  Before I’d get Gorgo the tree cutting robot into the first grove of trees somebody in Ireland would simply pass a law preventing me from doing this.  And you’d be correct. Nobody would ever tolerate allowing some little shitheel to run roughshod over the country’s landscape.

So then – explain to me why these sanctimonious representatives in Washington are able to whine so convincingly about the actions taken by Shkreli when the obvious solution is to pass a regulation preventing him from engaging in the kind of price-gouging they so loudly condemn?  If you leave your boots out in the desert – snakes and scorpions crawl inside. Make no mistake - Shkreli is a demon– but he’s an entirely predictable demon – and to the lawmakers in question his greatest sin is not one of existence, but one of degree.  If they really wanted to stop him – they could.  The fact is – they just wish he would go away and not be so blatant about his market abuse.  They pine for the days when Big Pharma would drive people to despair and death quietly, like gentlemen.

This sin of omission is explained in the attached article (though I think it may let Shkreli off a bit too lightly).  http://www.newyorker.com/culture/cultural-comment/everyone-hates-martin-shkreli-everyone-is-missing-the-point  Shkreli’s unlimited patent rights and the unregulated industry he operates within amounts to Congress giving Big Pharma a fleet of tree cutting robots and turning them loose on America’s forests.  Goodbye redwoods.  See ya Yellowstone. 

Also remember that this is not like government sticking its nose into an area where it has no business.  Patents are granted by governments.  In a truly unregulated industry there would be no such state sanctioned monopoly and the likes of Shkreli would have to operate in an open, free market.  If government creates the limited market surely it’s not too much to ask that it regulate it? 

Of course – to do so would mean speaking out against one of the most powerful special interests there is – Big Pharma.  Given the amount of money they funnel into congressional and party coffers – that just doesn’t seem likely to happen anytime soon.  But what really gets me is how “shocked – shocked” these legislative buffoons seem to be by Shkreli’s actions.  Dudes – if he’s a monster (and he is) you’re Dr. Frankenstein.

So next time you’re looking at a picture of Martin Shkreli and wishing he would find some way to crawl up his own ass and die – remember to save some room for Congress in there.  Don’t worry – he seems to be a big enough anus to accommodate both houses.