…what I really what want to talk about here today in remembering Mom – are the lessons she taught us all. Because – while, yes, this was the lady who once, when passing by a joint named “Mike’s Pizza” - with a sign in the lot saying “Parking for Mike’s Only” – turned to me and asked, in all seriousness – “How are they going to know if your name is Mike?” (True story) – but she is also the woman who was the first in her family to receive an advanced degree when she graduated from nursing school.
And she was the woman who managed a change in career so that she could be there to meet Brenda and I when we got home from school. She became a teacher’s aide and, along with her colleagues, was instrumental in expanding the scope of special needs education in our region. She was the person who, in that teaching assistant role, helped to extend union contractual recognition to para-professionals.
She provided constant lessons and raised us to value learning, faith, physical activity, family, respect for others and a sense of fun – all while retaining each of those qualities in herself.
You know – I’ll confess this now – for a long time, while this was happening – I didn’t always notice. Which leads me to the lesson Mom gave us that I want to focus on today.
You know, all of us worry about the things we have to pay – and we usually don’t like doing it.
No one likes to pay their taxes.
No one likes to pay their rent or mortgage.
No one is too thrilled to pay their ever-increasing grocery bill.
No one likes to pay their credit card,
dentist bill, tolls, speeding tickets – the overpriced costs of everyday life.
But there is one thing we should all like
to pay more of.
I wish, when my mom was fighting to keep
the adult day health care center she ran open - because she knew how much those
who came there needed it – I wish I’d paid more of this then.
I wish when the question arose of whether
to allow clients at that facility who had been diagnosed with HIV to continue
to avail of the shelter it provided – only to have my mother step in, do her
homework, realize that all the literature and science showed that those folks
were not a risk – and insist that they be welcomed with care and compassion – I
wish I’d paid more of this then.
I wish I’d paid more when she bravely
faced my dad’s passing, became a world traveller, doted on her beloved
grandchildren, faced down the loss of her voice, defeated cancer, made sure
that she maintained multiple extended family events through all of this.
I think you all must realize that the
thing I wish I’d paid more of was something we all can afford - attention.
Oh, I eventually started to pay attention
alright. Mom was without a voice for the
last years of her life – but be assured she was NEVER silenced. Whether it was
hushing us when we told her “Ma you just ran a red light” (and she would signal
that you are allowed to go right on red) “Yeah I know there’s right on red Ma –
you went left” (and she would signal with a shrug and expression like “ah, what
you gonna do”). You had to admire the chutzpah. Or seeing her beam as we all
tucked into her latest dinner. Or
watching as she relaxed in the sunshine observing the world go by at our beach
getaways. I finally learned to pay more
attention, to admire, appreciate and be awed by this sometimes exasperating but
always interesting and endlessly loving woman.
That – in the end – is one of the
biggest lessons I took from someone who taught us all so much, so well.
Let’s all pay more attention – to
each other, to ourselves and to the many wonderous things around us. I know, in addressing this group, that there
are those who have fought illness, raised children (their own and others),
defended their country, protected a community, supported colleagues at work, sacrificed
in so many ways – people who are there for others when times get tough. All of those heroic efforts deserve to have
attention paid to them – not because it is sought, but because when we take the
time to notice and recognize these things everyone benefits. This is a payment that costs us nothing – and yet it
is so enriching. Mom would certainly
agree – she was our family’s mother hen – she paid attention to us all – and
our world is a better place for it. Rest
in peace Ma, I will love and treasure you always.
